news celebrity 2011: Sandra Bullock is Eliminating the Competition

Sandra Bullock is a dirty whore liar. She makes crazy statements about how being fat is sexy (wrong!), and yet, she's still wicked hot and weighs a grand total of 3 1/2 pounds... wet... while wearing a suit of armor. I'm not sure how she got the battlewear to weigh less, but somehow she did.

"I go, 'Oh my God, I've got to lose weight so I can fit into this.' But I also go, 'I haven't been to the gym in a year. Do I want to go to the gym? No.' At some point I will start running again and I will get there," she said. "There's something sexy about a gut. Not a 400-pound beer gut, but a little paunch. I love that."

I think this is a crazy plan to get rid of all other thin, sexy actresses. First, get them all feeling good about their bodies. Second, stop them from going to the gym.

Third, send them all a year's worth of free Krispy Kreme donuts. Fourth, Sandra Bullock becomes the top grossing female star in the world... it's almost crazy enough to work. Quick, Jessica Alba must be warned!